I have managed a few days at work this week as part of a phased return following a lengthy absence as a result of a bad asthma attack back in January, I was hoping that things were going pretty well abart from my blood sugar levels which are ridiculously high as a result of the high dose of prednisolone that I am still taking. Today feels like a massive backward step, hopefully it is just a blip but I am not sure. I think that that I have possibly over done things at work, especially yesterday when I ended up doing a couple of extra hours more than I had intended, this combined with the sudden change in weather, the last day or so has seen the temperature drop a few degrees and the wind has been pretty strong. In addition to this I have not slept well (probably as a result of my blood sugar levels) and I am also due my Xolair injections on Monday. I have previously written about my Xolair injections and how they have helped me, I go into hospital every 4 weeks for the injections and usually following them I feel much better for the first 3 weeks and then the last few days before the next injection my asthma seems to deteriorate. Apparently this is quite common as the effects of the Xolair wears off or runs out. So as a result of all of the above it is hardly surprising that my asthma appears to be raising its ugly head again. Then there is one more thing to add to the mix that is probably not helping me, as I have previously spoken about I have suffered from some side effects as a (beleived) result of the Xolair, twice I have suffered breathing difficulties within 24 hours of the injection. This is a known side effect of taking Xolair and so my consultant is admitting me to hospital on Monday for 24 to 48 hours for observation following my injections. She has already told me that should I suffer a repeat of these side effects she will have to stop the Xolair treatment. This would be a major setback for me as I really do beleive that the Xolair has helped me. It would feel as though I would be going back to square one as nothing else that we have tried over the years has helped anywhere near as much as the Xolair has, it would also feel as though I have wasted the last 12 months.
So probably as a result of all of the above plus the worry about whether the Xolair injections will be allowed to continue I awoke this morning to find that Nellie has made an appearance and has taken up residence on my chest. My chest feels so tight, I am a lot more short of breath than I have been recently and indeed the only surprise is that I am not coughing too badly.
Due to the windy weather, the way I am feeling and the upcoming hospital admission I have decided to take it easy today. I am spending yet another weekend without seeing my mates, watching my beloved Scunthorpe United (listening to them lose in the last minute on the radio hardly helped improve my mood) or have a couple of beers. In addition to previously writing about Xolair I have also written about how asthma often makes you feel down, today more than usual I am feeling worried (about a Monday) and down. It is also a strange feeling going into hospital not feeling particularly unwell but in the hope that nothing goes wrong. The last thing I needed today was to start suffering with my chest because I was hoping to at least escape the house today, even if it was nipping into town, grabbing a coffee, antpything reslly just to get some fresh air and some to take my mind off of Monday. I have felt myself becoming very irritable and fidgety. I am tired out due to the lack of sleep, I have a stinking headache as a result of my high blood sugar and now my chest decides to start playing up. I feel that things are just building up and starting to go wrong, at the moment I don’t think that I can handle another setback. I can sense that my wife is worrying about Monday and she knows that I am struggling a bit today and so is becoming a little concerned, I am not the best liar in the world but I am trying to put a brace face on and not worry her too much, she doesn’t need the extra worry and is also stressed out with work at the minute. I have a number of mates but as a bloke in my 40s my masculine pride does not allow me to pour my heart out to them and to be honest I am not sure that they would understand how I feel. As I have already said, I have only just began a phased return to work and so I don’t really want to be seen to be moaning to work colleagues about how I feel. My parents worry so much, both are well into their 70s and the last thing that I want to do is worry them even more. Thereforei have decided to get things off my chest (no pun intended) by writing how I feel on here. It probably makes for boring reading and I apologise to anybody who has had the misfortune to read this far. Just saying / writing / typing how I feel sometimes helps, maybe not directly with my breathing or my blood sugar levels but psychologically it definitely helps.
As I have typed this my breathing has got worse and I have had to go on my nebuliser which appears to be helping a little. My peakflow is at only 30 per cent of my best which is a little concerning. I will still try to hide things from the wife, something that I wouldn’t usually advise others to do but I feel on this occasion that I am doing the right thing, I just need to get through to Monday.
I think that an early night is in order (God, how my Saturday nights have changed) and hopefully some sleep but the chances of sleep aren’t great, I will probably spend half my night with my earphones in listening to done music and reading twitter.
I hope that my next blog update will be a little bit more positive, upbeat and little less depressing.
Thanks for taking the time to read.